The institution of marriage is where the war for a successful, victorious marriage is most hot.
It is like being at the fore-front of a battle, with the enemy being the devil and the flesh.
The marriage that wins such a battle is for the people who have a good foundation; those who dig deep and have laid their foundation on the Rock of Ages, Jesus Christ.
I have seen many ignorant lustful young couples going before the altar to be slaughtered on the altar of ignorance, because they do not have any clue about what they are getting into. They believe they love each other and therefore, whatever is lacking in each other will be amended as soon as they start living as husband and wife. How much else can one be ignorant than this? One of them thinks I have found the right person. But he or she is unaware of the fact that marriage is not about finding the right person, but being the right person.
WHAT EVERY MAN/WOMAN SHOULD KNOW IN MARRIAGE.
Most of these things are the causes of conflict in marriage. Please note that this is not given as a complete catalogue of the conflict in marriage. The portrait is suggestive but certainly not exhaustive.
WHAT THE MAN SHOULD NOTE:
- Most wives want the husband to take the lead in the marriage. Many times the woman takes the lead because the man wont.
- Most women will love to be consulted and be part of any decision making, however minor the case may be.
- Most women want men to respect their personal and emotional needs.
- Most women want husband to be mature.
- Most women want husbands to fill spiritual leadership role in:
– Devotion
– Dedication to service
– Direction
- A woman wants her husband to communicate. He
i) Must learn to talk
ii) Must learn to share
iii) Must learn when not to talk
iv) Must learn to express things of a bother
- A woman wants to have first place in the husband’s life. She does not want to be put down in front of family, children or friends.
- The husband must make his wife know she is important. Assure her of your love for her when you tell her she is the one God wants you to marry etc.
- Remember that marriage vow is a confession of commitment.
- You must learn to give her undivided attention.
- Fall in love with her again and again.
- Never deny your wife when she is sexually inclined. There are times a woman wants cuddling not sex.
- Value her opinion. Don’t become a dictator in desire for lordship.
- Concentrate on your wife’s strengths not her weaknesses
- Learn to deal with problem with wife rather than counsel where she is wrong.
- Appreciate her qualities.
- Give her enough time to express herself.
- Don’t avoid her in public or at a family gathering or at a party.
- Women do not like men that nag. Don’t flaunt (display proudly).
- Be totally honest.
- Never throw up the past.
- Never allow her tantrums to scare you from expressing your opinion. If you can’t have a discussion because she throws tantrums, seek for help.
WHAT A WOMAN SHOULD KNOW:
- The only person who can make the husband lord is the wife.
- Have a submissive attitude. A non-submissive wife is in rebellion against God.
- However strong you may think your husband may be, he still needs you to encourage him.
- You should make his role as spiritual leader easier by not challenging his authority.
- Husband needs spiritual maturity from wife. He needs to share difficulties with wife without her falling apart.
- Receive him as God’s gift to you.
– Let him be right
– Let him win
– Let him be strong
- Don’t be critical about the things you don’t like about him.
- A strong, tight-fisted wife would become very domineering, so also a man. This doesn’t mean being foolish in spending.
- Help to build the male ego in him. Don’t quench it.
– Don’t ask him to do something, if you could do it.
– Allow him to be the aggressor and provider.
– Ask spiritual questions even if you know the answer.
- Submission comes without any strings attached.
- Have time for him, not left over time.
- To avoid contradicting each other in public, wife should be quieter and not monopolise conversation.
- When he gives you a gift, express appreciation, not just thank you. Don’t ever say:
– Its too expensive
– You should have asked me.
– You shouldn’t have
– You can’t afford it.
- Use and wear what your spouse gives you.
- If you must exchange gifts, try to get the same colour or style where possible.
- As a woman, use your appropriate feminine gestures and mannerisms not masculine.
- Develop confidence in his decisions.
- Keep motive pure. Don’t try to change him.
- Appreciate his good qualities not his faults.
- Learn to regulate home schedule around his priorities. If priorities are wrong, let God straighten it out and not you.
- Don’t nag. Never throw up the past.
- A man wants to have first place in his wife’s life.
- A man do not like to be out down in front of family, children or friends.
- Make him know he is important. Assure him of your love for him by saying nice things.
- Remember that marriage vow is a confession of commitment.
- You must learn to give him undivided attention.
- Don’t avoid him in public or at family gathering or at parties etc.
- Respect his personal and emotional needs.
- Men want sexual compatibility. Men will resent anything that stands in the way of sexual compatibility. Never deny your husband when he is sexually inclined.